


Does This Count? Do We?

by BishopDeaconCardinal



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BishopDeaconCardinal/pseuds/BishopDeaconCardinal
Summary: MacCready physically runs away from his problems. Deacon emotionally does. They're both tired.
Relationships: Deacon/Robert Joseph MacCready
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Does This Count? Do We?

**Author's Note:**

> HEY! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: theres implied self harm/suicidal idealization in that a character allows themselves to be hurt.

"Where do you go when you aren't here? I know you can't always be running around for the railroad."MacCready threw the wrapper of his snack cake at Deacon to make sure he was paying attention. 

Deacon didn't flinch as he continued to slice into a mutfruit. "What do you mean? I'm always here. Right here. On this street." He gestured to the mostly faded road sign, "Boylsto. Boylsto! My home street."

MacCready shoulder checked him for his crap. 

Deacon handed him a slice of fruit as some sort of peace offering.

MacCready tried to eat it before the juices got everywhere but they still ran down his hand, only stopping when they reached his cuffed sleeve. He tried to talk around the fruit but remembered Curie saying he'd choke. 

He swallowed first. "Do you have a secret family? Are you and mom not in love anymore?" 

He gets shoulder checked back. He actually stumbles a bit but Deacon catches his arm and rights him.

Deacon throws the mutfruit pit to the side. "Yes. It's time you knew. I have fourteen kids."

MacCready nodded before rolling his eyes. He knew Deacon wouldn't tell him the truth; he never expected him too.

-

He didn't wait for Deacon when he left. He just worked on saving caps to bring Duncan to the Commonwealth, working for Blue, and fixing up his house.

Besides, he didn't have any sort of claim over Deacon. He belonged to the robots, which was whatever in MacCready’s opinion. He hated the Brotherhood of Steel, his childhood giving him a firm footing in that, but he didn't really know why Deacon would risk his life for a synth. Were they all like Valentine? He'd gotten shot at over Valentine. 

Whatever.

Deacon would leave and do whatever and MacCready would do his thing. When Deacon came back they always seemed to click together like magnets. Or like peas in a pod. Or- whatever means they fuck a lot.

They got along fine most of the time, and even though in the back of MacCready's head there was some inane desire to further it, to cement it, he had this. And it was fine. 

Whatever. 

-

He noticed Deacon getting more aggressive. His teasing went further to insults, he bit too hard at MacCready’s skin, things pointing to a problem he'd never tell MacCready.

  
  


He disappeared for longer and came back angrier. MacCready usually woke up to Deacon in his bed, asleep with an arm around his waist completely unannounced. He used to like that, but it felt like every time Deacon was seeing if he could push MacCready to anger faster than the time before. 

MacCready more recently has been trying to stay longer out from Sanctuary.

Normally he liked working on his shitty little blue house. Duncan's future room was way nicer than the rest of the house, it made him feel hopeful. But lately he didn't want to deal with Deacon not telling him what was wrong. 

Because where Deacon jabbed and chipped away at the truth from people, MacCready just asked. After repeatedly asking and telling Deacon he could tell him anything, MacCready stopped trying to get it out of him. Deacon could tell him if he wanted too and he just  _ wouldn't.  _

-

MacCready  _ just  _ managed to shoot the hand of the super mutant, forcing it to drop the sledgehammer. Deacon should have moved from where it was charging towards him. It was still moving but slower, more manageable. He now had time to move. _ Why didn't he move? _

MacCready fired again but the super mutant bowled Deacon over. He fired again, grazing the top of the super mutant's head, admittedly sloppy, but gained it's attention. It charged at nothing and MacCready managed to put it down. 

He looked through his scope at Deacon who laid out in the grass still unmoving. He couldn't tell if Deacon was unconscious or just staying down. 

He slid his rifle onto his back and scrambled to leave his perch. Firing at the super mutant four times from there at only one target had easily given his position and he wasn't exactly read to stick around and find out.

-

He'd stayed next to Deacon as the fight had continued around them. Covering him with his body when a molotov went off a little too close and getting his knife out when a mutant hound also got too close. (He didn't end up having to kill it, Hancock got to it first.)

He couldn't give Deacon a stimpak, his shoulder was out of socket among other things. 

River made MacCready stand guard while she looked over him afterwards. He knew she was mostly giving him something to do while she tended to Deacon. MacCready didn't do great with injuries, there was more than one reason his primary weapon was one that needed distance. 

But even while looking away he heard the bone forced back into place. 

They made it to a settlement (they all looked the same if you asked MacCready) and would rest and when Deacon woke they would decide if they would try to make it back to Sanctuary. 

He looked at Deacon and in his head a thought repeated, you had time to get out of the way.

-

Deacon was up and moving the next day. His typical good natured barbs and teasing quiet and subdued. 

MacCready wanted to shout at him. To shake him and demand what the hell that piece of shit move was, but he knew he himself wasn't blameless. He'd avoided Deacon, he'd run away instead of waiting. 

Well forget that. 

When they made it back to Sanctuary he didn't let Deacon slink off to wherever the fuck he'd decide to hide away. MacCready grabbed his good arm and dragged him back to his house. 

Deacon tried half a joke before letting it fade between them. Some part of MacCready wanted to bother Deacon into trying to force the joke anyway, to clear the air but MacCready knew it wasn't that simple for once. 

He sliced up tatos and some fresh radstag Sturges had brought by. He wasn't a chef but he could cook meat, he could use a frying pan. (Most of the time with success too.)

Deacon sat next to him in moody silence while MacCready poked at their next meal. 

He thought he could approach this skillfully, so getting Deacon's attention with a "Hey dickwad, why did you let that thing almost kill you?" Was an example of his mouth getting away from him. 

Deacon looked at him with something MacCready had rarely seen on his face: surprise. 

Deacon stood up and looked down the hall then to the couch then to the door. MacCready could see him accessing his points of escape with shocking clarity.

Deacon turned to him for attack instead, "Where have you been, man? Is Finch Farm really that great? Why are you over there so much? Decided not to fix up this house?" 

_ Decided not to bring Duncan to the Commonwealth? Giving up? _

He hated how Deacon could frame insults without having to say a damn thing. 

MacCready wanted to explode, abandon their food and throw the frying pan at the wall. 

He checked to see if he needed to flip the meat over, he moved the tatos around. He could feel Deacon watching him. 

Deacon seemed to be trying to wait out MacCready but he forgot MacCready’s a sniper, the whole game was waiting. On top of that he's a stubborn asshole. 

He flips over the steaks and looks up at Deacon slowly, like a nonverbal dare to do  _ something _ , neither of them quite sure what. 

He watched Deacon glance at the door again. With Deacon's sunglasses lost to the fight and travel MacCready can easily read his thought process. It still surprises him when Deacon sits on the couch again rather than leaving. 

He finished cooking and set the plate as calmly as possible on the table. If he was being the more mature one, clearly something was messed up in the balance of the universe. 

"Mac-,"

"Apologise." It was a demand. He watched Deacon’s face flit through emotions. He didn't go back on it and continued, "I should too. But you'll back out of it if you get one from me first."

Deacon watched him cut into his own food. MacCready pretended his movements were normal, but at this point he was working to remain casual. His hands were steady, they always were, but even he noticed he was looking at his food like if he did long enough it would give him caps. 

"I'm more stubborn than you. I can wait this out." Deacon spoke as he pushed his tatos around. 

MacCready watched him before understanding and started cutting Deacon's steak, "Deacon, let's get one thing very, very clear. No one is more stubborn than me." 

Deacon made a sound that was almost a laugh. 

He watched Deacon try to move his arm on the sling and wince. MacCready fixed him with a look, "Don't."

"Okay but listen. I was trying to figure out if it was fucked or fucked-fucked." He stabbed a tato half, "It was science."

"Wow, alright Issaac Newton. Try some tact here and make me less of an enemy." He finished cutting Deacon's food and started back on his own.

Deacon outright moaned, "Your random knowledge of old scienctist stuff is so sexy baby." 

He tried to hide his laugh behind food, this wasn't the time, "Oh my God, apologise or shut up." 

Deacon watched him for another moment as if gaging if he could make MacCready fold but MacCready knew he was right, he was the most stubborn. 

Deacon took a bite of his food to buy time and hedged an offer, "What if I gave you an explanation?"

MacCready didn't hesitate, "You can give me an explanation before your apology. " 

  
  


"This fucking hardball shit is irritating as hell." He sighed and ate quietly for a moment then spoke, "An agent died." 

He kept eating purely to not make Deacon feel in the spotlight even though he was completely listening. He wasn't supposed to know anything about railroad business. "But I don't know that."

Deacon nodded, "You don't know that."

There was more, MacCready waited, his focus on his plate becoming tighter like waiting for a target to move into position. 

"She died. She had a kid. I don't know what to do with her."

MacCready’s eyes snapped over to him. That's a lot more than he was expecting. "So what, you're in charge of a kid?" He felt rage under his skin, "And you were going to let yourself be killed? What the hell would have happened to her?"

"She's not alone! She is being watched temporarily by another agent! But because I was her mom's sponsor I have to make the final decision of where she goes and I- I- fuck! I don't know what the right fucking answer is." Deacon’s good hand smoothed over his head where over the past few days his hair had started growing in. 

MacCready put his plate on the table, "So you thought it be easier to not be around. To not choose."

Deacon spoke more to the floor then him, "I can't fuck this kid up by making the wrong choice."

"Idiot."

Deacon looked up sharply at him but MacCready continued, "You thought abandoning this kid to a life in limbo of 'where do I belong" was better? That's the stupidest thing I've heard. You're the stupid person I know officially and we both know Danse."

Deacon gasped, "Words hurt you know!"

"I'm about to punch your bad arm which will hurt worse!"

"I didn't think I was leaving the kids fate up in the air I thought I was saving her the time of dealing with me!" The way Deacon said it, all rushed out in one desperate breath, MacCready couldn't help but wonder if it escaped. Ran from whatever part of his brain where he kept that sort of thing tamped down and fled for daylight. 

MacCready hears Deacon’s breathing in the silence that follows. Practiced, even, forced. 

He pushed the meat around his plate, "How old is she?"

Deacon took a bite of his food, the action controlled and careful to seem unaffected, easily mirroring MacCready’s movements earlier,"Six."

MacCready copied his false nonchalance, "Bring her here." He looked up at where he could feel Deacon staring. He let his fork fall to the plate, "I'm not saying for me, I'm not going to adopt this traumatized child and make this the next Little Lamplight! I'm just saying it might be better if she was here in Sanctuary! Not whatever weird hold up The Railroad has her at all afraid and scared. There's other kids here and food and safety." 

He met Deacon's eyes and Deacon dropped his feigned posture and put his hand to his forehead again, "You make it sound like it's so obvious. How stupid must I be for not seeing that? Fuck." 

He picked up his plate and Deacon's, who made a small noise of protest, and took them back to the kitchen then sat on the couch next to him. "You were scared of taking her in, weren't you?"

He didn't answer. Instead Deacon stood and took an exceedingly long route to the kitchen and picked up his plate of food then it set it down again before coming back and sitting across from MacCready. 

MacCready spoke since it was clear he wouldn't, "I know the idea of being a parent freaks you out. But no one's asking you too. I've got Duncan but even when he's here I don't expect you to help."

"What if I want to?" The rooms stark silence was the only reason MacCready heard Deacon speak, "What if I want to and I fuck it up? My parents were fucking horrible. I don't want to be horrible."

"What, I'm some kind of parenting expert? Duncan is so lucky that Lucy was there for the beginning and  _ hadn't  _ been raised in Little Lamplight. I swear to God that kid would have eaten so much fungus if I was in charge. It's possible he wouldn't have teeth now," He waved a hand at his derailment of his own point, "Already wanting to be a better parent means you're on your way. And this kid? Maybe she's not your future whatever but you can't just  _ die  _ on her."  _ Or on me _ didn't have to be said. 

Deacon stood again. He went back for MacCready’s plate and set it in front of him before sitting. "...I'm sorry." And then he immediately shoved way too much food in his mouth so MacCready couldn't make him repeat it. 

MacCready didn't make such a show of it, just took a bite of his mostly room temperature tato, "I'm sorry I hid from you."

"Was I being that much of a fuck-?"

MacCready cut him off. "Absolutely." 

Deacon looked at him in a way MacCready thought would be less intense if he was wearing his sunglasses but as is, it's discomforting. Still, MacCready didn't back down, "Neither of us handled this well. Can we- I don't know- can we try to be better in the future?"

"We get a future?" The same almost rushed accidentally escaped tone. 

MacCready frowned, "Uh, yeah? If you want?" 

Deacon put more food in his mouth and nodded. MacCready could tell even around his obnoxious chewing how pleased he was. 

Maybe there was more to grasp at after all, more gross sappy crap. 

Whatever. 

\-----

**Author's Note:**

> My Twitter is a nightmare of The Untamed but please talk to me about Fallout 4 there, @BDeCardinal


End file.
